Laughable Laws
Bizarre rules often remain part of many states’ regulations
Ocean City, NJ makes the news
By BRANDY S. CHEWNING
Texarkana Gazette
Thursday, January 25, 2007 9:19 AM CST
Wacky laws are still around—those bizarre rules and regulations that either slipped in under the radar or are long overdue for retirement. Many of them are so old that there is no way to validate if they are still active. Several Internet sites dedicated to the endless job of listing goofy stuff suggest they remain in existence.
Because it is nearly impossible to research these laws and their points of origin, the following list may not include them all. Buried deep under decades of dusty papers and signatures, here are the crown jewels of our government’s foibles.
In Texas, a proposed anti-crime law would have required criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
The Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
And everything is bigger in Texas, including the ego. The Lone Star state even created a program attempting to control the weather.
In Texas, you can also be legally married by introducing someone as your spouse.
“Texas recognizes a type of marriage referred to as ‘marriage without formalities,’” said Ross Peavey, an assistant of state Rep. Stephen Frost, D-Atlanta. The requirements for this arrangement are for the couple to have “agreed to be married, have represented to others that you were married, and have lived together in (Texas) as husband and wife.”
A representation of marriage can be as simple as filing joint income tax returns.
Arkansas once had a statute stating the Arkansas River could rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock. There are city ordinances in the state saying dogs cannot bark after 6 p.m., and making it illegal for a person to sound a vehicle horn at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9 p.m.
Arkansas once had a statute stating the Arkansas River could rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock. There are city ordinances in the state saying dogs cannot bark after 6 p.m., and making it illegal for a person to sound a vehicle horn at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9 p.m.
In Arkansas there is also a time limit on voting, stating that ballots must be marked in five minutes. State Rep. Steve Harrelson, D-Texarkana, said the law is intended for efficiency.
“I doubt most voters even realize it to be a state law,” he said.
“I’ve never heard of the five-minute rule being enforced and I highly doubt it would ever be an issue.”
Horse tripping events are not to be promoted in Oklahoma. Tattooing is also banned there, but that law is in the process of being reversed, seeing as how tattoo parlors are a thriving business in that state.
Louisiana is very strict regarding practical jokes. Pranksters can be fined up to $500 for ordering a pizza to be delivered to a friend without them knowing. It’s known as Louisiana RS 14:68.6, governing the “unauthorized ordering of goods or services.”
Also in Louisiana, biting someone is considered simple assault. But biting someone with false teeth is upgraded to aggravated assault.
In Nevada, you can still hang someone for shooting your dog on your property. But if you need extra cash in Las Vegas, don’t try pawning your dentures. It’s a crime.
The wackiness also takes to the highways. This was probably enacted regarding vehicles in tow, but a little clarification would be nice. California has a law stating no vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 mph.
Alabama actually had to make it illegal for the driver of a vehicle to be blindfolded.
In Illinois, you can be arrested for vagrancy if you don’t have at least a dollar bill on your person. Ironically, vagrancy can draw a $201 fine in Mississippi. Panhandlers in Memphis, Tenn., are required to have a license before they can beg and although it’s free now, the permit used to cost $10.
In Oregon, $10 is the fee required to have a burglar alarm. What’s worse, the permit application says: “Without a permit on file, law enforcement may decline to respond to alarm!”
There are various laws prohibiting humans from bothering frogs, rabbits, squirrels and skunks. But that’s OK, because in response, Tennessee is cracking down on the disturbance created by frogs. They can’t croak after 11 p.m.
In Joliet, Ill., roosters wishing to crow must step back 300 feet from any residence. Hens are only required to back up 200 feet to cackle. And in Maryland you can’t take a lion to the movies.
California and Ohio forbid setting a mouse trap without a hunting license, and although it is legal to hunt bears in Alaska, it is illegal to wake one to take its picture.
Don’t try to help out in New Hampshire. Anyone caught picking up trash, building a bench for a park or cleaning up the beach can be fined $150 for “maintaining the national forest without a permit.”
No more than six females may live in a residence in Maricopa County, Arizona. In Ohio the limit is five, and in Missouri it’s down to four. Those laws track from the old days when so many females under one roof was considered a brothel.
In San Diego, homeowners with Christmas lights still on their houses after Feb. 2 may be fined up to $250. In Maine, lights must be down by Jan. 14. What’s odd is the law that states slot machines are prohibited in outhouses in Bexley, Ohio.
Many of these are holdovers from the old blue laws, designed to enforce moral standards. The concern for ethics generally centered around Sunday, and strictly govern the activities of that day. The outlawing of liquor sales on Sunday is a blue law. Several states have repealed blue laws, deeming them unconstitutional. Many others just aren’t enforced, but just as many are still upheld. Here are some examples of laws and ordinances invented over the years:
Many states have made it illelgal to hunt on Sundays, as well as sell cars. New Jersey honors that special day by outlawing pinball. And there’s apparently some tie between sins and hamburger—at least to the belief of the northerners. Ocean City, N.J., made it unlawful to sell raw hamburger on Sundays, and hamburgers can’t be eaten that day in Minnesota.
Many old world laws refer only to and severely limit women. In Maryland, a woman is not allowed to go through her husband’s pockets when he is asleep—she must wait until he wakes up. Montana has made it a felony for a woman to open mail addressed to her husband.
According to a Michigan law, a woman’s hair legally belongs to her husband, and she cannot cut it without his permission. Even an Arkansas law once stated female teachers who cut their hair short would not receive a pay increase.
“During the (legislative) session, there are normally a few dozen bills dealing with repealing outdated and antiquated statutes,” Harrelson said.
But you can also wonder how some of these even came to be in the first place. There are regulations on what can be transported across state lines, but in one state, a person may not cross state lines with a bird atop his head.
Lehigh, Neb., has outlawed doughnut holes, and Nebraska bar owners can only sell beer if they are simultaneously cooking soup. It is illegal in two states to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
Several legal goofs are clearly misprints, or just poorly worded. For example, In Elko, Nev., every person who walks a city street is required to wear a mask. An Idaho law says if a man gives his sweetheart a box of candy, it must weigh at least 50 pounds. And a city ordinance in Belvedere, Calif., reads: “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash.”
But there are some laws we would probably be grateful to have enforced. In Port Arthur, Texas, obnoxious odors may not be emitted in an elevator. And North Carolina passed a statute making it illegal to sing off key.
Connellsville, Pa., passed a law stating pants could not be worn lower than five inches below the waist. And we’ve all gone to see a movie and gotten stuck behind someone wearing a tall hat, blocking our view. The state of West Virginia punishes that offense with a fine from $2 to $10.
Wacky State Laws
10. You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows. California
9. It is a crime for barbers to threaten to cut off kids’ ears. Indiana
8. The cut-off age for riding motorcycles is 88. Idaho
7. Women must have written permission from their husband to wear false teeth. Vermont
6. A pickle is not ruled a pickle unless it bounces. Connecticut
5. It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling. Arizona
4. Residents are required to pay property tax on their dogs. North Carolina
3. It is illegal for cab drivers to reach out and pull potential customers into their cabs. New Mexico
2. Defacing a milk carton is punishable by a $10 fine. Massachusetts
1. Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. Alabama